i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
