I think im going to throw up on grandma
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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