??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
