It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
