Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
