There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
