I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
