just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
