I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
