I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
