Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
