Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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