I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
