The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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