Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
