They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
