I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
