Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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