I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
