i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
