We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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