Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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