I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
