Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
