Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
