I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
