Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
