so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
