So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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