Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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