That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
