one word: firstdatebathroomanal
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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