Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
