are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
