I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
