y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
