Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
