Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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