he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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