so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
