If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
