even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
