Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
