Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You are the jesus of drinking
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