Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
