No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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