Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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