wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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