how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
