yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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