Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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