I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
